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Forging an Identity after a "Break Up".
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Mind Link



Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 146

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wendi wrote:
OK, now it is all beginning to make sense.

Are you a hard core trekkie? (not sure how to spell it)
If so, this could factor into your inability to find a mate.


Wendi


Yes, you spelled it correctly

NOT Hardcore atleast (I think I'm mostly a TNG / DS9 fan) And I don't have fantasies involving Green Alien Slave Girls.

It's not so much finding a mate so much as keeping one.

Like the book says "Men are from Mars women are from Venus"


I can use the "Lord of the Rings" Metaphor between humans and Elves but that will probably alienate me further from the opposite sex.

Point is, I thought having a rich fantasy life would make me more succeptible to Hypnosis.
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Wendi



Joined: 10 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 10:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Call me crazy, but i have heard that the sci fi crowd/star trek folks, have a little trouble with relationships. Am I wrong?

Wendi
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Mind Link



Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 146

PostPosted: Thu Sep 07, 2006 11:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wendi wrote:
Call me crazy, but i have heard that the sci fi crowd/star trek folks, have a little trouble with relationships. Am I wrong?

Wendi


You're absolutely right, but the question is, why?
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Mind Link



Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 146

PostPosted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 3:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Flippper wrote:
Mind Link wrote:
Ironically, my tickling fetish isn't the thing that they have a problem with. And once I get that part out of the way and they don't have a problem with it, I get this false sense of security I can progress further into the relationship.
Maybe you are moving too fast and your idea of progressing is more advanced than most folks? Not sure since I don't know you, but maybe if you take it a day at a time as friends, the other person will do the progressing and take the guesswork out. Just a suggestion.

Quote:
Ideally I don't want to clean slate my persona. But since my life is changing radically, I don't have much of a choice. However, I'd like to access a part of me I usually keep buried, the part that usually comes out when I sing sad love songs. I've been told I rationalise too much, so I wonder how do I access a wizdom or knowledge "quicker" than thinking, that I could use in these awkward situations?

So you just want to know how to let your 'true' self out into the daylight? As your life changes your persona will automatically adjust, I don't think you need to worry about that part of it. Akward situations are only what you make them. You could try mentally rehearsing how you would like to behave in any given situation, or see yourself behaving as someone you know who seems to always do and say the right thing. If you can imagine yourself accomplishing this, it will become automatic for you if you rehearse it enough, just like firedrills in school. Your brain will go on autopilot and it will just happen.

It sounds like you are afraid to just be yourself, for whatever reasons. Think how nice it will be to let your hair down and be you, without worrying 'what if' someone finds out who you really are. When they see the real you, and like that person, you will feel great. There will always be people who like you and dislike you no matter who you are, accept that and feel good about it.



A Conversation I had with a friend has given me ONE more thing I could do to bounce back to 200 %. The thing is we had good memories together, and I want to claim them. This might sound Crude 'Spoils of war' kinda thing but this is territory she's discarded, If the past is something she doesn't want, no use letting it go to waste. Now I can do this hypnotically, meditatively, or just "claim it".
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Mind Link



Joined: 10 Aug 2006
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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 2:57 am    Post subject: PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Reply with quote

Ok, I was reading the "Idiots Guide to Dating" and I just realised this girl was being "Passive Aggressive" with me. The actions , the motivations, It all makes sense now. I'm worried a remote seduction session will (Or any attempt to save her from herself) might inadvertently fix the fatal flaws on her current relationship (which I don't want to do)
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Flippper



Joined: 05 Feb 2006
Posts: 48

PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 6:03 am    Post subject: Re: PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Reply with quote

Mind Link wrote:
Ok, I was reading the "Idiots Guide to Dating" and I just realised this girl was being "Passive Aggressive" with me. The actions , the motivations, It all makes sense now. I'm worried a remote seduction session will (Or any attempt to save her from herself) might inadvertently fix the fatal flaws on her current relationship (which I don't want to do)


I've been thinking that sometimes we just attach too much importance to people, experiences or thoughts. Ulitmately, things happen as they are supposed to, we can do what we might to hopefully arrange them to our liking, but if we fail to accomplish this, we should accept that things are as they should be. Fatalistic, perhaps, but I find it to be the best way to be happy and somewhat satisfied with life rather than feeling we have missed out, screwed up or that things never turn out right. A positive attitude is one of the biggest assets you can possess, IMO.
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Flippper
(the poster formerly known as Miz Cleo)
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Mind Link



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PostPosted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Believe me

I recieve this knowledge as "Good News". This wasn't something I aquired voyeuristically, through stalking or through a psychic reading. It was something that was infront of me the whole time. I don't know what to do with this knowledge, but I know atleast I will deal with her from a possition of equality. (She'd be quick to write me off as a stalker)

Point is I'm less angry at her, less compelled to try to save her from herself, More likely to move on, But for some people this isn't good enough. I found the choice to move on, on my own terms, but some people (not even her, which is why my frustration is re-directed else where) think I'm villifying her by acknowledging this aspect of her, and plead to my sense of "Nice guy"ness not to feel this way, when this belief is what's preventing me from doing the crazy things. My decision NOT to save her from herself may seem spiteful, but it's making me do the right things for once (for both our sakes). Why should anyone care how I feel NOW of all times?
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Mind Link



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PostPosted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 3:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

OK, Most people suggest a change of scenery. That I should try to find myself. I have personas after personas depending on mood, and even on which Girl I'm trying to impress, there has to be a "Core" Persona somewhere in there. AND there has to be a way to reach it.
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Wendi



Joined: 10 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 3:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

YUp, you are right. There has to be a way to find the real you. Nothing is worse than not getting to live as the real you.
Being authentic, feeling 100% you, being in your own soul living your life for real, as who you are... is the best thing.

Some people go through their entire lives never having this experience.

What is holding you back? I am not assuming you know the answer. But if you do, let me know.
What stops you from being yourself?

When did you realize you could no longer be yourself?

Wendi
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Mind Link



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PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2006 2:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's not Like I feel the Need to Hide who I am. Like I said, Ihave a RICH fantasy life and a wardrobe of Personas. (I can E-Mail you Drawings) of characters I turn myself into in various situations.


Ironically my most successful persona was a character I created back in Highschool loosely based on Aladdin (the Disney character) He became like this hybrid of Tom Cruise and Michael J. Fox, I'd say that persona was a little Too sucessful.


I know atleast one factor (Which seems really insidious) holding me back. My family (My mom in particular) equates being yourself fully with imposing your identity upon others. (Therefore it's an act of kindess, she believes, to hide your true self) And this belief MOST people are really just pretending to be nice. No wonder I attracted such a woman in my life who believes the same thing. But now she's gone, but she left her influence in a large chunk of my identity.

Ironically, the one time I did show her my authentic self, (I gave her a gift I crafted myself), And I'm regretting that now.
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Flippper



Joined: 05 Feb 2006
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Have you ever done the personality quiz and read the book "Please Understand Me II" by David Keirsey? There are 4 different personalities, Artisan, Guardian, Idealist and Rational. The Artisans and Guardians comprise approximately 80% of the population, and they are best suited as mates. The Idealist/Rationals make up the remaining 20% of the population, and are best suited to the other as mates. I suspect trekkies in general are Idealists or Rationals. Being that an Idealists or a Rationals is only 10% of who you will ever meet, one in 10 will be someone you will consider 'soul mate' material, but they are more difficult to find so the search will be more difficult. Probably not making sense here, but you can check the book out at a library, do the test and discover what type you are so you can narrow down the type you are best suited to be with.

http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=16567335035599898597

Ironically, I've noticed that I am consistently attracted to the same type, the last 3 men I had relationships with were the same subtype. Each of the four types has a sub category with more detailed and specific behaviour patterns. Very confusing without reading the book or taking the test, but if you read the book I think it will help you understand people in general, and to focus on the appropriate person for your type, someone who will fall into understanding you naturally, speak your type language and compliment your personality.
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Flippper
(the poster formerly known as Miz Cleo)
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Mind Link



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 6:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I took the test

I am a
Commandant
Rational

But There were a whole section in the Test dealing with Confrontations AND solving problems. Which while It's true I tend to be direct in my approach, but in dealing with a partner, it's not about crushing the opposition it's about brining the issue out in the open.

In atleast 2 incidents (I've mentioned this before) The women claim that they "lied" to spare my feelings, but when I dispell the illusion they say that the illusion IS the hint they are trying to tell me. In both cases they also don't own up to their feelings. It's always some external cause they blame for our inherent incompatibility. This leads me to believe either A) they don't have the will to overcome their problems the way I have mine B ) They believe I'm "Not worthy" but doesn't want to say it out loud because it makes them sound shallow. (so they leave hints)
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Flippper



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PostPosted: Tue Dec 05, 2006 7:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mind Link wrote:
I took the test

I am a
Commandant
Rational

But There were a whole section in the Test dealing with Confrontations AND solving problems. Which while It's true I tend to be direct in my approach, but in dealing with a partner, it's not about crushing the opposition it's about brining the issue out in the open.

In atleast 2 incidents (I've mentioned this before) The women claim that they "lied" to spare my feelings, but when I dispell the illusion they say that the illusion IS the hint they are trying to tell me. In both cases they also don't own up to their feelings. It's always some external cause they blame for our inherent incompatibility. This leads me to believe either A) they don't have the will to overcome their problems the way I have mine B ) They believe I'm "Not worthy" but doesn't want to say it out loud because it makes them sound shallow. (so they leave hints)


Here's an interesting page of the different personality types, with lots of info to dig around in. There are a lot out there that are 'off base', this one is fairly accurate. The cupid page link I posted had the test, though the type explanations were lacking and somewhat inaccurate, as I recall.
http://www.personalitypage.com/four-temps.html Anyway try checking this one out, it's one of the better ones.

You know, regardless of personality, sometimes one's just not physically attractive to another person. I knew a man who thought Elizabeth Taylor was the ugliest woman alive. There is no accounting for personal taste. In your case it could be that your communication style is so foreign to the people you are with that they can only translate it to something physical. In reality, it's not about you, it is just personal taste. Some like blondes, others redheads and others brunettes, don't sweat the small stuff.

It's very possible these ladies don't have the will or desire to overcome their 'problems' (they may not see these issues as problems!) as you have yours, not everyone is ready to wrestle their demons, and not everyone handles their problems the same way. It's a losing battle to assume what others are thinking, it's far easier to choose the reactions we have to what we perceive as hurtful statements or actions of others in the most constructive and positive way we can. The "right" people for you to be with will be the ones you feel at home with, who feel 'natural' for you to be around, without your feeling the need to impress or be someone you really are not. It's a pain in the butt to wade through the murky waters to find such pearls of humanity, but trust me, it is well worth it. And what is the alternative anyway? Hang in there, the right people are slogging through the muck looking for you, eventually you will bump into one another!
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Flippper
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Mind Link



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PostPosted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 5:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Getting back to the earlier issue, Does having a rich fantasy life hinder my progress? I mean there's the "Star Trek" thing (although I'm inclusive of Star Wars as well) the whole "Lord of the Rings" thing, I even took an English class in "Cyber Punk".

In addition to that, I've been re-reading up on classical and Ancient Egyptian mythology (as well as Hinduism) and got hooked in this documentary called "Future is wild" (It's a speculative documentary on how nature will continue to evolve in the future).

Point is I have an active imagination and was wondering if my ability to create entire cultures in my head could turned via hypnosis into something useful in areas like my love life.
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Mind Link



Joined: 10 Aug 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 3:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mind Link wrote:
Getting back to the earlier issue, Does having a rich fantasy life hinder my progress? I mean there's the "Star Trek" thing (although I'm inclusive of Star Wars as well) the whole "Lord of the Rings" thing, I even took an English class in "Cyber Punk".

In addition to that, I've been re-reading up on classical and Ancient Egyptian mythology (as well as Hinduism) and got hooked in this documentary called "Future is wild" (It's a speculative documentary on how nature will continue to evolve in the future).

Point is I have an active imagination and was wondering if my ability to create entire cultures in my head could turned via hypnosis into something useful in areas like my love life.


Ok I've read about this "technique" of manifesting called "The Magical Creation Box. I've decided to turn my room into one.

I start by placing the sign "Everything in this room is", in the entrance and then start painting portraits of the kind of people I want to attract in my life, the place I want to live in, ect... Like I said I have quite the imagination.
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